ramblings

It's a miracle. I have nothing to do, so I now have some time to just sit back and relax, and maybe even reflect; if only the damned infernal heat would let up my relaxation would be complete. The past year had brought a lot of changes into my life; some welcome, most not. A lot of things have happened, but I shall spare the reader a long and rambling account of yesteryear. Let's focus on today, shall we? Dwelling on the past will get you nowhere. I am now forced to make decisions which I have never even dreamed of making. I am facing problems which I have never even considered facing. I must be getting old. Yes, that's it. I'm no longer a kid, I'm 20 years old! Damn! How I wish that I could escape from this nightmare. Sometimes l hope to wake up in a luxurious mansion, free from all these problems. Escapism. Shit. What the hell happened to "not one step backwards?" Well, you idiot, that's a line from Enemy at the Gates! And Call of Duty, in the Russian campaign. Those poor peasants, they had no choice but to run into German machine guns, or else face the guns of Russian commissars. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. I may have to rethink some of my policies. I may have to rethink my strategies. I may have to reassess my objectives. Machiavelli might have some good pointers. The end justifies the means.

Why is it so hard to build a relationship, so difficult to maintain it, and yet so easy to destroy it? It's so frustrating. Maybe that's what's keeping me up until the wee hours of the morning. But why am I so bothered by this? Why should I lose sleep over such a trivial issue? Why should I care about it? Because she's a friend? Haaay... Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I shouldn't care so much. She doesn't care. Why should I? Yes. That's it. To hell with it all.

My life needs to be reassessed. A lot of things will change. A lot of things have changed.