Friday, September 15, 2006

pushing the envelope(again)

Climb Mount Niitaka.
A simple phrase, seemingly innocuous.

Today was supposed to be another normal day. Classes to attend, people to meet, books to read, time to kill. Yet something felt different, even when I first woke up. My first class was at 10AM, so I had to be up by 8 to get ready for school. Yes, I still take more than an hour to go through my morning routine, but a lot of things have changed. The commute to school now takes less time than before, so I could afford to spend more time checking my email in the morning. I was so confident in the efficiency of Marikina's roads and its public utility vehicles that I left home at 9:45AM. Yup, 15 full minutes before my class was supposed to start. My confidence was not misplaced, however, and I arrived at Katipunan with 7 minutes to spare.

It means nothing, really.
Until you see it for what it really is.

I however forgot about Katipunan Avenue. Sure it was smooth sailing for a while, until the jeep got to the bottleneck at UPIS. It was stop-go, stop-go for all of 15 minutes. I was already fuming by the time the jeep got to the Tumana gate, and when I saw that the traffic stretched all the way to the other end I jumped off and walked the rest of the way to the Econ building. I arrived 20 minutes late, and the doors were already locked- wait, the doors were locked? The other time this happened, on the first day of classes, Prof. Esguerra was absent. Crap.

That seemingly innocent phrase triggered a chain of events that dragged half the world into one of the most devastating periods in history.

Who in their right mind would not want a class to be cancelled? Normally I would be happy, but I was already in a very foul mood after having to walk half a kilometer because some MMDA traffic enforcer didn't know $#!+ about traffic management, and finding out that all the effort and sweat was for nothing didn't help at all! And as if to add insult to injury, the jeep I left trapped in traffic passed right in front of me as I left the Econ building. It was only 10:30AM.

Millions died because of events begun by those three words.
Innocent words transmitted by radio before one fateful December morning.

I spent the rest of the morning in the library reading newspapers. Lunch was spent at the CS Canteen, with baked macaroni again. My next class was at 2:30, so I went up to the air-conditioned confines of the Econ library to wait. I didn't really want to attend that class, but I had nothing to do for the rest of the afternoon and I was supposed to have another meeting for our BA 101 case presentation at 5:30. So with a cup of steaming hot coffee I listened to an hour-and-a-half long lecture which I could have easily read from the book. After the class it was back to the library again, to wait for 5:30.

It's simply amazing.
One innocent phrase with the power to change the world.

If you've been reading my blogs for quite some time now you probably know that I really hate waiting. I. Really. Absolutely. Definitely. Hate. Abhor. Despise. Waiting. So if you make me wait it had better be damned worth it. But history has a funny way of repeating itself, and as the clock hit 5:45, I found out that it did. Again. I arrived at the designated meeting place to find out that none of my groupmates had arrived yet. A text message clarified everything, and really made my day: "Ei di matutuloy meeting ngayon, lahat may ginagawa e. Wala bang nagsabi sayo?" My blood turned cold as I read that message. My face twisted into an evil smile, a smile I usually reserve for when I'm desperately trying to control my temper. This was the FOURTH time my dear groupmates saw fit to cancel meetings without notifying me until literally the last damned minute.

How I wish I had that kind of power.
If a group of letters could have it, why can't I?

You should be thankful I'm not some crazy, megalomaniacal dictator with access to certain 'weapons of mass destruction' because at that time I really wanted to press the proverbial button and send the world back to the Stone Age. Oh, what I would give for an MX-Peacekeeper ICBM with 10 megatons worth of pure thermonuclear goodness... Almost 2 wasted hours... I could have gone home early instead of wasting my time waiting for nothing!

Power. Unlimited power!
Power to change the world, to bend things to my will.

I was so frustrated that I just started walking around aimlessly. My normally handsome face was twisted into something- let's just say that if looks could kill a lot of people would be lining up before the Pearly Gates by now. For about 20 minutes I walked around UP, vainly trying to vent my anger yet failing miserably since 'venting' for me usually comes with 'shouting' and 'screaming', which I couldn't quite do in the civilized Diliman campus.

Yes. I'll have that power in the future.
Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

I got home at around 7PM. Thank God for salpicado and baked potatoes and YouTube and blogging. Some ants just got a new lease on life.




Monday, September 04, 2006

extraneous thoughts

Certain things have been taking up valuable real estate in my already overcrowded mind for the past few weeks. This is a desperate attempt to purge my mind of these extraneous thoughts and at least return some semblance of order to my gray matter.

People are going to kill me after they read this post.

I don't get jaywalkers. Specifically those stupid bastards who cross the street under the damned pedestrian footbridge. Are those people blind, or are they just idiotic morons just asking, begging, to be turned into road kill? Just give me the chance and I would cheerfully and gleefully introduce them to both my car's bumper and the concrete road. Give me the power and I would declare every major road a free fire zone: jaywalkers would be considered as targets. Most targets eliminated bags a cash prize. That ought to drill some freakin' discipline into the unruly masses.

Animal rights. What the hell is up with giving rights to something that is destined to go into my stomach? Ever hear of the friggin' food chain? News flash: we're on top of it! I love pigs, especially if they're cute, pink, and chubby. But I don't care if the pig that provided the juicy tenderloin steak I'm about to eat was treated 'humanely' or like the freakin' Prince of Wales, I only want it medium well on a freakin' platter along with some gravy and mashed potatoes! Ah, but there are those who would rather have us just eat *shudder* vegetables and *shiver* imitation meat made from plants. Yeah. Just wait 'til the plant rights activists come knocking on your doors!

Havianas. Okay. Deep breath. Here we go. Explain to me the merits of buying a pair of rubber slipp-er, flip-flops, for around 600-800 pesos. Wait- never mind, opportunity knocks! I'll just buy some cheap slippers worth 30 pesos from my friendly neighborhood tiangge and pass them off as Havianas! Cha-ching! Damn! I'll make a killing! Woohoo! Money DOES grow on trees- rubber trees, that is. Yeah, that's right. I'll open up a store at the Mall of Asia right across the Flip-flop Store, or whatever the hell they call that little nook packed with people going gaga over something made in the friggin' Philippines ever since rubber replaced wood and the integumentary system as the sole [pun intended] provider of open-air protection for our smelly feet, and "liberate" Ninoy Aquino and the Banaue Rice Terraces from their wallets. Ahhh... Capitalism.

The CPP-NPA. Ah, yes. The 38 year old protector of the poor and the oppressed. Right. Let's call a spade a spade okay? Those purge-happy propaganda-loving revolutionary tax-hungry landmine-laying destabilizing morons with a cowardly leadership hiding blissfully in the Netherlands are terrorists, plain and simple. The Armed Forces can have at them all they want. I would be the happiest man alive if I were given the chance to see Jose Maria Sison or Ka Roger through the scope of a sniper rifle, or if I were in the cockpit of one of our high-tech, propeller-driven, Vietnam-veteran Bronco bombers raining napalm on one of their training camps. Ever watch Munich? I do hope the government grows some backbone and takes the terrorist leadership out of our collective misery. Yes. The only good terrorist is a dead terrorist.

Right. Animal rights activists and Havianas fans may leave their gracious comments below. Jaywalkers, wait for me at the C5 road where I'll introduce you to my little friend Optra. And to any member of the CPP-NPA, please, come back to the light. Communism is a fool's errand. Join me in my capitalist quest to liberate Manuel Roxas, Diosdado Macapagal, Ninoy Aquino, and the Banaue Rice Terraces from the millions of Haviana fans out there. Otherwise, feel free to point your AK-47's on your heads, set the switch to 'automatic', and then gently pull the trigger. Save the AFP the trouble, and by the way, free up some money for the education budget.

Cheerio!