extraneous thoughts

Certain things have been taking up valuable real estate in my already overcrowded mind for the past few weeks. This is a desperate attempt to purge my mind of these extraneous thoughts and at least return some semblance of order to my gray matter.

People are going to kill me after they read this post.

I don't get jaywalkers. Specifically those stupid bastards who cross the street under the damned pedestrian footbridge. Are those people blind, or are they just idiotic morons just asking, begging, to be turned into road kill? Just give me the chance and I would cheerfully and gleefully introduce them to both my car's bumper and the concrete road. Give me the power and I would declare every major road a free fire zone: jaywalkers would be considered as targets. Most targets eliminated bags a cash prize. That ought to drill some freakin' discipline into the unruly masses.

Animal rights. What the hell is up with giving rights to something that is destined to go into my stomach? Ever hear of the friggin' food chain? News flash: we're on top of it! I love pigs, especially if they're cute, pink, and chubby. But I don't care if the pig that provided the juicy tenderloin steak I'm about to eat was treated 'humanely' or like the freakin' Prince of Wales, I only want it medium well on a freakin' platter along with some gravy and mashed potatoes! Ah, but there are those who would rather have us just eat *shudder* vegetables and *shiver* imitation meat made from plants. Yeah. Just wait 'til the plant rights activists come knocking on your doors!

Havianas. Okay. Deep breath. Here we go. Explain to me the merits of buying a pair of rubber slipp-er, flip-flops, for around 600-800 pesos. Wait- never mind, opportunity knocks! I'll just buy some cheap slippers worth 30 pesos from my friendly neighborhood tiangge and pass them off as Havianas! Cha-ching! Damn! I'll make a killing! Woohoo! Money DOES grow on trees- rubber trees, that is. Yeah, that's right. I'll open up a store at the Mall of Asia right across the Flip-flop Store, or whatever the hell they call that little nook packed with people going gaga over something made in the friggin' Philippines ever since rubber replaced wood and the integumentary system as the sole [pun intended] provider of open-air protection for our smelly feet, and "liberate" Ninoy Aquino and the Banaue Rice Terraces from their wallets. Ahhh... Capitalism.

The CPP-NPA. Ah, yes. The 38 year old protector of the poor and the oppressed. Right. Let's call a spade a spade okay? Those purge-happy propaganda-loving revolutionary tax-hungry landmine-laying destabilizing morons with a cowardly leadership hiding blissfully in the Netherlands are terrorists, plain and simple. The Armed Forces can have at them all they want. I would be the happiest man alive if I were given the chance to see Jose Maria Sison or Ka Roger through the scope of a sniper rifle, or if I were in the cockpit of one of our high-tech, propeller-driven, Vietnam-veteran Bronco bombers raining napalm on one of their training camps. Ever watch Munich? I do hope the government grows some backbone and takes the terrorist leadership out of our collective misery. Yes. The only good terrorist is a dead terrorist.

Right. Animal rights activists and Havianas fans may leave their gracious comments below. Jaywalkers, wait for me at the C5 road where I'll introduce you to my little friend Optra. And to any member of the CPP-NPA, please, come back to the light. Communism is a fool's errand. Join me in my capitalist quest to liberate Manuel Roxas, Diosdado Macapagal, Ninoy Aquino, and the Banaue Rice Terraces from the millions of Haviana fans out there. Otherwise, feel free to point your AK-47's on your heads, set the switch to 'automatic', and then gently pull the trigger. Save the AFP the trouble, and by the way, free up some money for the education budget.

Cheerio!