Thursday, February 11, 2010

curtain call

Indecision is one of my greater weaknesses. I spend a lot of time vacillating between one choice and the other, seemingly incapable of choosing between the two. God forbid I get three or more choices.

Things as trivial as whether or not I should go to the UP Fair tonight or what book should I read or what chocolate bar should I eat take up an inordinate amount of time in my head. Bigger problems end up paralyzing my thought processes.

I wait for better choices. I look for easier ways out. I pray that someone else makes the decision for me. Pathetic. Weak.

How I wish that things could be easier, that I could be more decisive. That I could live with the decisions I make.

That is the real cause of my indecision. The fear that I would not be able to live with the consequences of my decisions. I end up vacillating for a long time, then go with the safer, less disruptive, and ultimately weaker choice.

My new video card made every game on my desktop run very smoothly. A big surprise, given that we bought a cheap card on impulse without even checking out what its capabilities were. Anyway, Modern Warfare 2 runs like a dream, with nary a stutter or a hint of lag. So much so that it is now even easier to focus on the game. It pulls you in and shuts out the real world around you.

The effect is near-perfect accuracy, quick reflexes, and a drive to get things done quickly and efficiently. No distractions. Heads get blown off with unerring predictability. But hey, it's just a game. No consequences in the real world, save for lost time and productivity.

But mowing down people costs you nothing. Getting killed costs but a few seconds of reloading a saved game. Losing is near impossible, as one can just play again and again and again until he gets it right. Wrong or bad decisions ultimately have no real consequences.

Maybe that's the key to my indecision: decide as if there are no consequences. Better put; decide and take the consequences - whatever they may be - as they are. No more pining over what could have been or concocting "what-if" scenarios. Just play the game of life as best you can.

Look at the choices. Weigh them against each other and decide based on their merits. Decide for yourself, don't make the world decide for you.

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