Monday, October 29, 2007

nightmares

I think I had my first nightmare in a very long time. At least I think I did. I'm not even sure if I slept a wink last night.

The one thing I hate about long vacations is the insomnia that comes with it. Maybe it's because I'm currently doing nothing. Maybe it's because for the first time in months I don't feel the least bit tired. Or maybe it's because I've got too much on my mind -AGAIN.

I spent a good part of this morning just tossing and turning on my bed. I don't know why, but my head hurt like hell. Too much coffee? Nah, there's no such thing as too much coffee. Besides, I only had two small cups the night before.

The irony is just amazing. Just a few short weeks ago I was dead tired from a lack of sleep; 5 hours in bed was a godsend. Now I can't sleep until 3 in the morning, even without caffeine coursing through my veins.

I felt really bad on waking up this morning. The coughing and the resurgent headache kept me in bed until well after lunch. A relapse? I sure hope not. That damned disease screwed up ALL my plans, and I have no idea what to do to repair the damage. Time is against me. I'm starting to think that I'm destined to fail; everything I try to do is stopped or blocked by things beyond my control.

Fatalistic? Defeatist? This is not me. But I'm tired. Dead tired. This IS a nightmare.

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