ramblings

It's a miracle. I have nothing to do, so I now have some time to just sit back and relax, and maybe even reflect; if only the damned infernal heat would let up my relaxation would be complete. The past year had brought a lot of changes into my life; some welcome, most not. A lot of things have happened, but I shall spare the reader a long and rambling account of yesteryear. Let's focus on today, shall we? Dwelling on the past will get you nowhere. I am now forced to make decisions which I have never even dreamed of making. I am facing problems which I have never even considered facing. I must be getting old. Yes, that's it. I'm no longer a kid, I'm 20 years old! Damn! How I wish that I could escape from this nightmare. Sometimes l hope to wake up in a luxurious mansion, free from all these problems. Escapism. Shit. What the hell happened to "not one step backwards?" Well, you idiot, that's a line from Enemy at the Gates! And Call of Duty, in the Russian campaign. Those poor peasants, they had no choice but to run into German machine guns, or else face the guns of Russian commissars. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. I may have to rethink some of my policies. I may have to rethink my strategies. I may have to reassess my objectives. Machiavelli might have some good pointers. The end justifies the means.

Why is it so hard to build a relationship, so difficult to maintain it, and yet so easy to destroy it? It's so frustrating. Maybe that's what's keeping me up until the wee hours of the morning. But why am I so bothered by this? Why should I lose sleep over such a trivial issue? Why should I care about it? Because she's a friend? Haaay... Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I shouldn't care so much. She doesn't care. Why should I? Yes. That's it. To hell with it all.

My life needs to be reassessed. A lot of things will change. A lot of things have changed.

what time of day are you?

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

the five factor values test

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You don't really value generosity. Your needs always come first, no matter what. And you'll possibly help someone else out... But only if it helps you in return. Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

what do your hands say about you?

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills. Idealistic and dreamy, you tend toward the impractical. You have a knack for getting yourself in sticky situations. Brainy and intelligent, you are intellectual to the point of being incomprehensible. Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life.

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

what does your favorite color say about you?

What Your Favorite Color Black Says About You:

Timeless --- Stylish --- Sophisticated Overpowering --- Intimidating --- Dominant Perfectionist --- Controlling --- Competent

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

friday the 13th

I am so pleased, yet I am also so frustrated.

I went to UP this morning to fix my summer registration. To be able to cancel just one class, I had to wake up at 5:30 AM and get to Econ by 8 AM. I got to school on time, but there was already a line outside the computer room -this was at 8:05 AM. I only got to a computer by 9 AM, which I used for about less than 6 or 7 minutes just to cancel one class. Thanks CRS! The 'new' system, which was probably supposed to 'help' us poor students, really screwed up big time. The monstrous lags yesterday were bad enough with me staring at my computer screen for two hours clicking on reload every few minutes just to access the enlistment page, but denying access to external users because of server overload? And when did this have to happen? RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO CANCEL THE DAMN CLASS FROM HERE AT HOME. So I had to sacrifice a few hours of sleep just to beat the lines and get to a DILNET-connected computer just so I could spend five minutes to log-on and click on one little button named 'cancel'.

Yes. Five hours of preparation and waiting just so I could use a computer for five minutes.

After canceling my summer enlistment (vacation time!) I decided to get my class cards. I was in UP already so there was no sense in going back on Monday just to get class cards. I also got my TCG from SE101 so I passed my one and only application for shifting to AS101. Then it was off to PH 124 then to the Faculty Center for my class cards.

POLSC 150: 1.25
POLSC 160: 1.75
ECON 109: 1.25

LATIN 10: 2.25
CRAP.

I did not even bother to get my Persian 10 class card (supposedly [according to CRS] it's a 2); George W. Bush can nuke Iran for all I care.

I even got my papers from my pol sci subjects, which just intensified my frustration. I got a 94 (!!!) on my 12-page Polsc 150 case study and an 85 (!?) on my Polsc 160 journal article review. I was so pleased at the results, yet so intensely frustrated at the fact that my efforts could be in vain just because my cumulative GWA is now 2.05 thanks to my two language electives.

Enough ranting. I'm hungry.

great expectations

Apparently, things have a funny way of not going the way I planned. I took two language electives last semester to counterbalance my one economics and two political science courses; a little something to break the monotony of reading endless volumes and to bump up my GWA for the sem. Now, the grades are out, and guess what? I've got ones on my three major subjects and twos on my supposedly life-saving, grade-bumping language electives, turning what should have been a GWA of 1.4 to a 1.7! Granted, an average of 1.7 is a high one, and it's the highest I've ever gotten since starting out in UP, but it is just not good enough for me! (grade conscious ba?) It's a matter of pride, yes, but this latest setback has lessened my chances of getting into CSSP. I guess I now have to consider applying at NCPAG or at CAL, and face another three years of college. Hell, I want to graduate already! Haaay... But that's the way the cookie crumbles folks. I'm going to UP today to try to talk some sense into one of my professors (read: beg) and somehow salvage this debacle. It's a long shot, yes, but it just might save my skin in the long run. Yes, that's it: a desperate operation to try to change a ''2" into at least a "1.5". Hehehe... This is the new me: quibbling over a .5. What the hell. It just might work.

***
This would also be the perfect excuse to get out of the house. Though they haven't manifested themselves yet, boredom and insomnia due to idleness is a clear and present danger to my sanity. I need something to do besides staring at our antiquated CRT monitor for hours on end every single day. Of course a new computer with all the bells and whistles (read: Intel Core 2 Duo + GeForce 8800 + 4GB RAM + 250GB hard drive + Windows Vista) along with a brand new copy of Command and Conquer 3 would do much to quell all my feelings of boredom, but it sure as hell won't do much good for my insomnia I suppose. Back on topic though, the green of the Sunken Garden would do wonders for my mind, and my feet do miss walking around. Oh well, at least I would be doing something else to get my mind off the heat here at home.

***
By the way, congratulations to all those who've graduated!

all quiet on the western front

No sound at all. Not even a whisper.

Which makes it all the more ominous. And threatening.

Threats can be dealt with. Decisively.

But is there really a threat? I do not know.

So I do not move on the west. Yet the east is another story.

When six divisions attack in rapid succession there is a lot of noise.

A lot of screaming and shouting and slamming and cursing.

Diplomacy failed once again. Will I ever learn?

Was I wrong in hoping that things between us could be fixed?

I hope not. But I am ready to act. Now.